With this site and so many others helping to point out the symptoms of BPD, more and more people are now starting to notice those signs in their friends, family members and loved ones. So today we will cover the sorts of things you can do to support someone with BPD and while it can be a struggle it can also be a great help to the person suffering from it…
While it might sound like very basic advice, the best thing you can do is to be there for them. Listen when they are telling you about how they are feeling, talk to them when they don’t feel like talking, or just whittle on yourself just so there is a voice in their head other than their own. Trust me when I tell you just knowing someone is there to help you when you are down is a massive boost and something I wish I had during the darker times of BPD. Sure, I do have friends that support me now, but it wasn’t always the case because of those next part…
While being there for them is indeed the best thing you can do, understanding why they might push you away is a big part of doing that and it is sadly one of the more complicated sides of looking after someone with BPD. The reason people with BPD push away friends, family or loved ones is because of the symptom ‘Fear of Abandonment‘ You see, those of us with BPD think anyone helping us will walk away in the end so we push them away (even when that fear isn’t real) and the truth is deep down we need them more than ever in those situations! By knowing this you should understand a little bit more about why they might want you to help and be there for them one day and the next you are pushed away seemingly never to be spoken to again. Its what makes supporting someone with BPD so darn hard.
And lastly, the best thing you can do to support someone with BPD is to simply keep an eye on them. Make sure they are not becoming too introverted and especially take note if they are doing something self-destructive as it could be a sign of something far worse going on. Those of us with BPD often go down spirals of depression and self-destruction so getting help at those times is essential. Encourage them to get help and if necessary take that choice out of their hands and talk to someone about them. Tell other friends, or even better tell their family members if they have any.
Having lived with BPD my whole life and pushed everyone trying to help me away I know from personal experience that it is not easy to support someone with BPD at all, but if you can stick with them through the dark times, the lighter times will be so much easier. If you have any concerns about a friend, loved one or family member do consider getting in touch with us via the contact page.
